Monday, December 22, 2014

P(rarthana) K(aro) !

Conversations caught between the director and his assistants brainstorming through a popular movie.

Scene 1 - 

Assnt: Sir, how about a scene where PK meets a man dressed as lord Shiva in a class room and asks for his remote back?

Dir: Great.  But its less funny.  Make that a Toilet.  

Assnt: Oooh, Shiva in a Toilet is hilarious.  Audience will die laughing, especially the kids.  The next time they  go to a temple, they will remember him through our movie!  I can see the kids go, ‘papa, ye Toilet wala Shiv ji haina, jo hum PK me dekhe the?’  and they will want the DVD to laugh at it again.  Moooar DVD sales. Yeah!

Dir: Awesome, control your excitement.  So back to the screenplay, should we have the man dressed as Shiva run around the city and haplessly? 

Assnt:  Sure.  lets do it.  So he ends up in the evil baba’s meeting.  He hides under the chairs to save himself from PK.

Dir: Lets have close up shots of his bum while he is crawling on his legs through the crowd.

Assnt:  I can see the audience laughing their asses off.  Should we have the crowd chant something during this scene?

Dir: Wait for it…bum bum bole! 

Assnt:  Sir, you are a genious!


Scene 2 - 

Assnt:  Sir, I am tired of shooting in India.  Lets go outside for a scene and a song.

Dir: But there is no need for the script to travel outside India.  Forget it, Which country do you want to travel to? 

Assnt: Belgium!

Dir: Done.  Lets go. Even I need a vacation.

Assnt: Sir in Belgium, lets have our ‘crazy lips’ fall in love with another Indian guy.

Dir: India guy?  Don’t be so 1990s.  We will make her fall in love with a guy from Pakistan.

Assnt: But why sir?  What point are we trying to make here?

Dir:  We are not trying to make a point here, but trying to make money here and in our neighboring countries too.

Assnt: Brilliant move sir.  We will make him the only good charecter in the film. All others will have shades of idiocy or evilness in them.

Dir: Absolutely.  And I have also thought about a scene where ‘crazy lips’ calls Pakistan embassy and the whole embassy helps out in bringing the two lovers together.

Assnt: Will this work sir?  Because this seems a little far fetched!

Dir: Trust me on this.  This will bring tears to peoples eyes.  And besides, we will make Aamir and the rest of the cast cry in that scene, just to prompt the audience.

Assnt:  I am learning so much on the art of making cinema from you, Sir.  Hats off!


Scene 3 - 

Dir: Write down this scene - Aamir sticks posters on walls saying ‘Lost’ with pictures of ALL religions, as he is searching for god.

Assnt: Amazing sir.  So which pictures of God should we get the production boys to design sir?

Dir: Ganesh, Lakshimi, Shiva, Karthikeya and Hanuman.

Assnt: You read my mind sir.  This way, we will remain fair and unbiased while we make this masterpiece. 

Dir: Have you proof read the scenes where the hero performs a puja in a church, that one scene about conversion and the  other two scenes about girls education and wine bottles?  

Assnt: Those 4 scenes have been done sir.  The comic quotient is a little less, I feel.  

Dir: Don’t worry, our movie is 2.5 hours.  These will take just 10 minutes.  I have other plans!

Assnt: I knew it sir.  Thats why you are a class act!

Dir: Don’t forget to make copies of scenes about where we have the hero arguing with baba about practices of taking religious trips far far away, pradakshan (anga pradakshan) and the comedy scene about people worshiping a stone near exam hall.  

Assnt: How can I forget those sir.  Those are gem of scenes.  It really opened my mind about my world and religious view.  
Dir: I am also planning to increase the laughter in the Baba introduction scene.  I am going to show the parents as idiots who have the pic of baba on everything in their house.  Even in the bathroom where 'crazy lips' is shown taking bath.  This way I can enlighten everyone from every religion about how people are using gods name to make money.  I am naturally talented like this.

Assnt: Sir, what a way you have with audience pulse!  You are my hero sir.  You can single handily change India sir! 

Dir: Take it easy.  Can you check who is at the door?

Assnt: Sir, Guruji has arrived for our scheduled Lakshmi puja praying for this movie to be a block buster.  

Dir: Ok, everyone ‘Prarthana Karo'
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