8K Express - Short Story Published

A Punch and a 'Punch' Card

Was waiting outside the The Dosa Brothers on 2nd & Market on a beautiful day. The wait time was around 15 minutes. Enough time for a ginger chai. All was good. Out of nowhere, a random lady was walking towards the crowd waiting eagerly for their Dosas. She was yelling explitieves and stormed towards a lady talking on her phone and BOOM - Punches her right on her nose and vanishes in a lightening speed.  The rest of the crowd including me was busy on our phones, saving the world, so it took us about 5 seconds to know what happened. The poor lady was shaking and still in shock about what happened. One by one people started to console her and gave her a second to realize what happened. She got dozen hugs from random people all around, all of us apologized for what had happened to her and for the fact that we could not be of any help. A lady even advised her to go talk to her Doctor to make sure this incident does not haunt her in the future. The Dosa lady felt so sorry for her and gave her a free Chai and (ironically) a ‘punch' card coupon for a free Dosa worth $12 and more importantly topped it with a priceless hug and a sorry.

Made me realize that for every single crazy person out there, San Fran balances herself with a dozen kind hearted ones. Good > Crazy.

Vacation Geolocation

"Ganga, lets not get carried away by this.  We are going to India for just 3 weeks.  I have equally split the times between your house and my house.  We stay at my place for 15 days and we stay at yours for 10 days.  It sounds totally fair and lets not make this a big deal considering we have stayed in the US for gazillion years without a vacation." 

"Very funny Gowtham.  I am not staying less than 15 days at my place in Delhi.  There is no room for further negotiation on this.  I am going there after 2 years, so it better be worth it.  I have already made plans with Tina, Meena and Ranchal.  And by the way, why do you want spend more time at your place?  You are just going to sit there and watch TV for eternity.  Which is exactly what you do over here too.  Why do you even bother traveling 7000 miles for it?" 

Img Credit

"You will never get it Ganga.  It is a different feel. You have to experience to love them.  How do I explain to you? Its like having a gol gappa at an restaurant innovatively named as ‘Taj Mahal’ in Chicago vs having it by the streets at Connaught place.  It is like listening to Sunidhi Chouhan vs. Shreya Goshal.  You know what I mean?"

"Great.  I don’t remember you showing so much feeling and emotion towards me in all these years.  Keep your food analogies to yourself, and don’t try too hard referencing something from the north.  Stick to your Idly/Sambaar and Rajnikanth."

"Ok, back to our topic.  I said 15 days at my place because clearly I have a mathematical advantage over it.  8 Athais, 12 Perippas, 5 Chittis, and 3 Mamas.  Each gets a visit for 30 minutes plus we have 9 Temples to cover.  So if you do the math, we actually need 18 days.  I am being gracious in saying we need just 15 days out of 25 days of our trip."

"As if I am the single person on my entire family.  What about all my mami s family who you have successfully skipped in all our previous trips?  We also have to go to our 3rd cousin's 4th sister marriage.  I cannot miss that.  There is also Kullu Manali on my mind as well.  So be a little practical."

Img Credit

"Sorry Ganga, this is not possible.  Either we spend 15 days at ours and 10 days at yours or we are not going at all.  I am serious this time.  Forget the trip."

"I have called your bluff before and will call it again.  The answer is no.  We are staying 15 days at mine and 10 in yours.  Done.  Lets move on."

******

"No Ganga.  I said No.  Lets cancel it.  Lets cancel it.  Lets not go at all."

******

"Gowtam…Gowtam…wake up.  What are you yelling about?  Its 6AM.  Go get the milk from outside.  I have to get Prinyanka ready for school."

Goutam slowly realized that he was dreaming about how things went there back in the US. He was thinking about how things have changed as he reached outside the gate in his Mumbai flat to grab milk.  Everything has changed, except Priyanka’s half-yearly vacations were due in a month - and the same conversation about Geolocating their vacation was due - this time the fight will be three ways!

Seat Reservations!

Today during my train commute, I had a lady come sit beside me and she was immediately uncomfortable. She looked around and switched to another seat in the same car.  I didn't care.

Next a dude came in and sat for 2 seconds and started looking out for other available seats.  He made the walk to next train car to find a spot.

This happened again and same reaction from that lady as well.  I was very upset. I started sniffing my clothes in desperation.  Nothing. I could not get why people will just walk away after sitting beside me for 2 seconds.  It made me upset, sad and to some extent neglected - even though we are talking about total strangers. I almost wanted to stop them and ask what the hell is wrong with this seat or me!

I wanted some answers.  I looked back. There was a homeless man sitting beside me (he must have sat there after I boarded).  He had 8 layers of clothing on him and from the looks of it he would not have showered for a week minimum.

He gave me a look and had a grin on his face, as if telling me that "dude..now you feel what I have to go through every day, on top of not having no money, food or place to shower?".  I could not stand the 2 minutes of neglect from total strangers.  I realized he goes through that as a daily job.

I quietly switched my seat and sat beside him.  I also thanked god for taking away all my smell sensors cause I could not smell a thing, even as the new person who occupied my old seat could retain his seat for just 1 minute!

PS-  I'm hoping the homeless dude is not writing the same post about me. You know, it could still be me. I'm very confused. 

Vasishtar(Visitor) Visa!

“Make it fast Arunthathi, we are going to be late for the pickup”, yelled Vashisht standing outside their bathroom.She has been in there for close to an hour wrapping up her saree and drying her hair. They had to rush to the New York airport to pick up Sambar Podi, Rasam Podi, Aavaka Oorukai and Mormolagai through Air India. Oh, did I mention, Vashisht’s parents were coming along with those items as well.


“Can you stop yelling for few minutes? I cannot be in and out in 5 minutes like you do. It takes time for a woman” came the reply with a decibel level that was not appropriate to human ears.

Img courtesy - This blog

“ Arunthathi, can you increase the size of your pottu(bindhi)? I have to use a microscope to spot one on your forehead”. Arunthathi calls Vashisht ‘old school’, but him being her husband, Vashisht was not allowed to comment on what she does. But today was an exception, as she has to face Lokanathan, a ‘pottu evangalist’.She also had to trade in her low-waist jeans for a traditional pattu(silk) saree. She knows the next 60 days are going to be an uphill and she wanted the right first impression.


“Welcome mama and mami, did you find it difficult to make the connection at Frankfurt airport?” asked Arunthathi with her trademark (fake) smile

“The Asian vegetarian food had nothing but raw greens. I need some rasam badly. Can you make me some good rasam when we get home?” asked Meenakshi betting high on Arunthathi’s culinary skills.
le “So Vashisht, How is the economy nowadays” started Lokanathan. It has just been a 20 hour flight and he talked to Vashisht every single day before he boarded the flight. Somehow the moment he touched down, his eagerness in US economy was on par with Ben Bernanke! “What are your views on Obama’s policies, Vashisht?  I heard he is giving the state of the union address today” he continued.

“Forget about his Views da, is there any good News son?” interjected the curious mother, Meenakshi.

“Amma, please. It’s just been a year since we got married” hushed Vashisht.

“Krishnamoorthy’s grandson is also in New Jersey. Can we go and meet him this weekend? ” Lokanathan continued. He always had this idea that Indians living in the US are somehow familiar to each other and it was totally possible to pin down an Indian just by his name.

So he made statements like -
“Dai Vashisht, I heard that Raghavan just came to the US. See if you can go and meet him?” and something like “Can I give some parupu podi for you with Gowri? She is coming to New Jersey to do her MS”

The concept of country/state/address were non-existent with Lokanathan. Vashisht is used to it by now and did not bother to respond with sarcasm.

Image Courtesy - The Hindu

In preparation of their arrival, Vashisht’s house went through a laundry list of changes. Moving to two bedroom, hooking up a SUN TV connection, re-dusting his pancha paathram and pooja shelves to name a few.

"Dai Vashisht, today is Aadi Velli. I made your favorite paal payasam. Have it before you rush to work" compelled Meenakshi. Vashisht couldn't ask for more. His cereal mornings now became a Idly/Dosai morning, and yes - no Rajma chaval anymore. Meanwhile Meekankshi’s mega serial evenings saw no change 7000 miles apart.  That was not the case with Arunthathi tho. He couldn't make her favorite Dhal makhani for dinner anymore. The Adai/Aviyal overtook Aloo Tikki as a predominant evening food.

“Hello Vashisht, this smoke alarm has starting making loud noises.  I am not sure what to do.  Can you come on video chat” the requests for online help were plenty and continued during Vashisht’s work hours.  

3 weeks in, now Lokanathan had made twice as much friends in the community than Vashisht had made in his entire life.  "Vashisht, lakshmi from unit 503 is a very nice lady da.  They are from Thirupathi.  They wanted us to come over for dinner this Saturday.  And oh, Rajdeep from #212 also invited us for his 2nd sons 3rd birthday party this Sunday"
Lokanathan had officially take over Vashisht's weekend calendar.  He was not complaining with the free food at every party.  But the pressure on Vashisht and Arunthathi kept building for the good news with several enquiries from other parents at the party.  After all food doesn’t come for free!


“Vashisht, this is great da!  The views from the top of the empire state building is breath taking.  Let me take a selfie before your mother walks in.”  Lokanathan was exited holding the phone to his face.”

"Forget about the views pa, we have some good news!  Have some sweets pa. “

Meenakshi barged in hearing the news from behind.  “See I told you.  There was something fishy with today’s plans.  I am so happy for you Arunthathi.  Oh my god, I am going to be a grand mother at this young age of 65!.  Give me your phone, I need to call like a million people to convey the news”

They truly were on top of the world! 




Vashishtar Who?

Bhārat Calling Bharath

Featured in BlogAdda's Tangy Tuesday Pics!

Bharath had never thought about returning to India.  After all, he had an amazing job at Amazon and had everything that he wished for in life - well mostly.

His father named him Bharath as he was born on 15^th of Aug.  He grew up in Gwalior with an extended family setup.  He had to share a small 2 bed house with one of his uncle's families, had to fight into getting to the top 1% for his engineering admission reservation system, bribe his way out for one of his land disputes, had a sneezing rate of 3/min because of dust allergies and had a broken limb riding his Rajdoot bike just because a water tanker decided to cut a lane during Gwalior’s rush hour.

His student visa to University of Los Angeles was his ticket to the ultimate goal in his life.  To the USA!

7 years on, now the only Indian-ness left in him was with his name.  He had finally found his home in a land far off of his own.  He avoided going back to India for 7 straight years just to maintain his permanent application status.  Staying in the US was really important to him and the moment he got his green card, he genuinely thought that he had made it in his life.

And then a thing called Marriage happened. 

Shriya was very hesitant to quit her job and sacrifice hanging out with her friends and relatives just to be in the US.  Like all the other girls, she finally gave up and married the guy her parents thought was a good match for her.  They had a great first 2 years of marriage.  And then it slowly started to show up. Bharat was calling her back.

She could never mentally be in the US.  Every major move, every major financial decision has to go through a primary filter of ‘is this worth it now, considering we might be moving back to India sooner?’

Bharath could not handle the stress Shriya was putting him through.  They had their “discussion” (fancy term for fight) every other week about why staying in US/India is better.  Each of them had their reasons.  It started interfering in their daily existence. Conversations like these became common -

“Bharath, there is no need to upgrade our Sofa right now.  We are good with our current 2 seater sofa.  Morever, we might be moving back to India sooner – so we don’t want to pile things up – yes?”

and things like - 

“No Shriya, lets lease a new BMW, its just $200/month more than our current payment.  You know it will be worth it”

“I have told you many a times Bharath, this would be a commitment for another 2 more years.  I don’t think we would be staying here that long.  We need to pack up sooner.  You don’t know what you are missing our there in India.  You have been away way for too long.  It’s a totally different place now.   Trust me you will love it”

----

“I don’t want a iPhone from Verizon– get me one from AT&T so that we can unlock it once we go back to India” Shriya got into Bharath’s nerves way too often.

----

“But what about our planned trip to Hawaii” Bharath would try to please her.

“Nothing like being there for your brothers Sagaai” Shriya would counter argue.

"You love going on a hike honey" –

"I do, but imagine me and you on your vintage Rajdoot 350 bike".  She tried to poke his motorcycle fanboyism.

"India has way too much air pollution"

"Complaining about your own homeland is not the right solution".  

>>>Fast forward 2 years >>>

Bharath now comes back from his exhausting day at work at Flipkart’s Bangaluru head quarters, bribed his way out for his son’s school admission and has a sneeze rate of 5/min.   

But he couldn’t care less.  He was so excited and looking forward for celebrating Diwali with his 15 cousins, has a vacation home setup at his ancestral village, takes his parents himself for their annual health checkups and was there for his grandfather’s final days.  He had just realized what he missed out all these years and how much fun and important it was to be back to where he really belonged.

“Shriya honey, what’s wrong - we are getting late for our IPL game”

“Bharath, I cannot take this anymore.  I want to go back to the US”

“What, why?  This was your idea, remember?  And I am so thankful for you making me move here”

“Yea, I know, but this city is not cosmopolitan enough for me”

“What are you talking about? - You are from Luknow for god sakes!”

“No, I miss Los Angeles.  Moreover, there are always some relatives at our home.  There is no alone time for us anymore.  Also your Mom visits us way too frequently these days.  I miss the pollution and noise free environment.  And don’t get me started on the traffic here.  I want to move there next month”

“But your cousin’s Sagaai is next month.  We have to be here Shriya.”

“Forget Sagaai, I am already planning my next summer vacation in Hawaii!”

And then they fought happily ever after.

http://blog.blogadda.com/2014/08/13/best-creative-blog-posts-2

Atlanta Amarkalam!

Atlanta Amarkalam!

“Raji, did you get the mallipoo from Ganapathi Flowers?  Please do keep that in a ice Pack and Check them In.  Kaalavarathadi, please!” exclaimed Sambandhamoorthi to his sister Swarna.  The poo Maalais were delivered directly on a overnight flight from Nungambaakam to New Jersey’s Ganapathi Flower shops.  Swarna had just discovered that such a store exists and was all excited to bring the much desiered mallipoo for her Manni’s Seemandham.  Mallipoo was the highlight among the Maamis, of course.

Sambandhamoorthi had way too many things to deal for the 30+ guests that he had invited and the 20+ that showed up uninvited.  His mom and dad came from Delhi, his mamanar and mamiyar from Chennai, brother-in-law No.1 with his family from Chicago, brother-in-law No.2 from Arizona, Sister & Maaplai from New Jersey, his close friend from London on a business visit and the vaadhiyaar varadhachari from south carolina.  It was almost like a United Nations meeting organized in Atlanta

 “Sambandh, I missed the previous two episodes of Selvi.  Do you have SunTV here?” Sambandh’s amma Atlandam, err..Akilandam was worried.  Luckily for her, he had just purchased a Mega-Maga-Super Package from YuppTV and got her covered for Mangai, selvi, thaali baagyam, thirumanam, karbam and Valaikaapu serials! 

Vaadyaar Varadhachari was very adaptable.  Even his slokams were. "Gangesa Yamune seva Godhavari Saraswathi" became "Missori, Columbia river seva Hudson, Missisipi"! Ok, I made that up.  But he was very adaptable in every other aspect like not minding the buffet and sharing the guest house with the rest of the relatives.

Rangaachari’s  bakshanam (seeru murku, mysore paaku and laddu) was a delight.  Sambandam specially went on a 4 day lookout to find a vegetarian, iyer, tamil speaking, non-drinking and clean (ok, I over-did that) cook all over Atlanta and found Rangaachari around 40 miles from his home.  “You initially paid me 600 dollars, then you added 10 more people, so you totally owe me 675 dollars.  Please verify all the 10 items that you have ordered.  Be careful with the Aviyal and the Paayasam, they might spill in your car” told the cook, counting the dollars while Sambandh collected the lunch items from Rangaachari’s home/restaurant. 

“Maami, everyone was talking about the paayasam this morning, but I never had anything left for me” complained Keerthi maami.  “Who was the cook?” was the most asked question of the day.  The food was that popular and the cook Rangaachari was more popular, thanks to his Andra style Katrikaai curry in the morning and his rasmalai in the evening.  Just after that function, Rangaachar got catering orders for 2 more seemanthams, 3 Grahapravesams, 1 Aandunaraivu and 4 Satyanarayan pooja.  He planned to upgrade his small Nissan Sentra to a spacious Honda Accord after that week.  That was the impact of his food for the Seemandham.

“Mama, have you seen the Coca-Cola factory in Atlanta?  I can take you there if you want to.  I work there, so if you need free passes let me know” one of Sambanth’s friends Murali was busy chatting with his appa.  “I even brought 5 liters of Coke for the evening party, mama” he continued! 

The function went well with house filled with guests and relatives with people making plans for Atlanta aquarium while munching their Athirasam and guys trying to dodge those plans to watch the Sunday movie on Sun TV constituted some of the discussions during lunch.

“Appa, we had to go for Sambandhamoorthi’s house function tomorrow.  His parents are here, so we can invite them for your Shashtiyapthapoorthi next week” said the neighbor Sainath with excitement.  One could sense the desperation on getting hold of guests for a function in the United States.  Afterall, any of our function is never complete without playing kids (Only the Indian variety screams for some odd reason), your manni persuading her crying infant, your athai and chitti complimenting each other on their pattu podavai, that one very social athimber who lightens up the occasion, brother-in-laws discussing the housing market and their investment plans and of course friends who keep us going.  People make up the occasion, and Sai did realize that. 

Sainath had now got one mami and a mama for his function and is now on the lookout for the rest in his neighbourhood.  After all, people make up the occasions and they are always a rarity in this part of the world!  Luckily that was not the case for Sambandhamoorthy!

Michael Madhana Kama Rajan

Michael Madhana Kama Rajan

It has been a looong two semesters for Michael, Madhan, Kameshwaran and Raj here in the ‘University of Sucks ass’, which was ranked 195 in the top 100 universities in the south east America. They were all set for taking a break and fly back to Chennai, their home town. Everyone knew Kameshwaran would nail it and the other guys were just hoping to be seated next to him during the finals. Bindhu, their 28 year old neighbor, was one of the ‘Sumaar looking’ females in the Desi apartment complex that MMKR lived in. Raj, was the lover boy among the four and had the best chance of scoring and Kameshwaran the least.

As a standard they all decided to take two check-in bags for their trip to Chennai. They would have never realized that each one of them would have to give away one whole suitcase for the greedy Bindhu – who would eventually trick them all. Bindhu, like a lioness, picked the perfect timing in attacking each of the cows in isolation. She would walk into MMKR’s apartment (They shared a 4 bedroom) when Kamehswaran was alone and would sweet talk him into taking a load of shit to be given to her father, mother, uncle, neighbor, local sub-inspector, watch man and her dog. A Bit Background on Bindhu – She has been out of Chennai for years together now, as getting A’s and B’s was not her thing. She had now switched 8 departments from Information technology to Indian tribal studies, but nothing worked out. She is hanging on to her student visa, and she knows that the INS would not be too happy to let her in once she steps out of the US main land. Back to our story, no other girl had talked more than 5 minutes straight to Kameshwaran, and he was way too happy to dedicate one whole suitcase and fill them up with Bindhu’s goods. The same thing would happen to Michael, Madhan and Raj and no one would know about each others situation. They were all packed with 8 check-in baggage, out of which, 4 now belongs to Bidhu! They all had a sense of pride and threw a sarcastic smile at each other. ‘What a bunch of loosers! When are they going to realize that I have outscored them in scoring Bindhu’ – is what everyone thought about the rest of the three before they departed. Bindhu called everyone privately on their cell phone and went through a check list to make sure they had everything that she gave.

It would be 3 days and 12 stops before they could finally reach Chennai (They were running on a student budget and $750 was all they could afford for that trip!) Bindhu had set a dead line for each one of them for delivery of their packages. They all landed midnight on a Sunday. The next day, Kameshwaran woke up around 5 AM, took a shower, did his sandhiya vandhanam, said to his parents that he has to meet a friend in Nungambakkam, filled up gas on his TVS 50 and was accelerating at an incredible speed of 50 km/hour to reach Bindhu’s house. At her house, the dog would not let him in and he stood there at the gate for 15 minutes, before her Mom would open the door for him. Her Mom grabbed the suitcase, which she knew was for her (and for the whole street, basically) and started going through the foreign crap. Kameshwaran had to caugh twice to get her attention, and then she would offer him a coffee. Her dad walked in and started asking how US was and how ‘people’ live there and stuff. Kameshwaran went crazy and thought ‘Guys..Are you not going to ask about how your daughter is even for once?’ Raj would go one step ahead and would even skip his Brother’s reception to deliver the goods to Bindhu’s house. Michael and Madhan followed the next day at 9 AM and 1 PM respectively. Bindhu was good in logistics planning, and was smart enough to distribute the FedEx delivery time across 2 days, so there would be no clash.

3 weeks over and they are in the flight back to their school. A small fight broke up between the four, as to who gets the isle seat. The one who gets it would get the chance to be closer to the hot air hostess, who for some reason would not stop walking back and fourth throughout the flight. Raj got the place, and Madhan was pissed and spilled the secret. “Go ahead and sit it the isle dude…but you were not the 'chosen one' by Bindhu..I win..sucker!”. All the three turned their attention to Madhan and went ‘What? What the hell are you talking about’? Madhan, with a sense of pride explained about how Bindhu met him in Private and ‘trusted’ him in delivering ‘Important’ stuff to her family. They were just devastated to hear about each one of their story and they would laugh at each other about how they were tricked by the lady, the entire flight back.

They landed in the airport and some of their seniors were ready to pick MMKR up. On their way back to school, one of their seniors said ‘You guys were lucky that you got to take only your personal stuff. Bindhu made us took a suitcase full of shit last year!’ This made MMKR realize that they were not the First Generation Loosers!!

SAROJA SAMAAN NIKALO…..!!!!

SAROJA SAMAAN NIKALO…..!!!!
‘Thanks for calling Dell, this is Sandy, how may I help you today?’ asked Saroja (who is now Sandy) from a Dell BPO in Bangalore. Saroja has been doing this job over a year now, and she is already done with the fake accents, racist comments, and all her wannabe western friends. She was all set to get married to Radakrishnan, a Silicon Valley engineer. Radakrishnan and Saroja have been talking over Skype for about a month now, after their engagement was over. Soraja has been reading all about the San Francisco bay area on wikipedia and has been reading ‘how to behave in America’ by Morgan (Muruganandam from Mannarkudi originally). One of her close friends Anita just moved to New York City and has been sharing her city experience with Saroja recently. She had told her about the view of her rented Condo on the 34th street, the various cuisines they try every weekend, about the central park and all about their city life in general. This is exactly what Saroja wanted too, and was all geared up for her bay area living.

Radakrishnan flew down to Chennai, they both hanged out in some hip places, got married, went to kuladeivam, said bi-bi to their family and they flew back all exited to start their new life. They arrived at the Oakland airport. Saroja stepped out and got the fresh American air and was all exited to see all those people that she thought she talked to in her job in India. For every white person that passed by, she would relate it to one of the conversation she had for a computer malfunction. So far so good for Saroja. ‘So what train should we take to get to the San Francisco downtown?’ asked the innocent Saroja. She did not know that Radakrishnan had taken an apartment in one of the sub-urban areas. It was kind of a last minute decision for him too. She was ok with that and they boarded the train. After an hour journey their station read ‘Fremont’. It was already 11 PM, and she did not have a chance to take a look at the neighborhood at that time. Saroja reached home, the apartment was nice, but definitely not a high rise, as she expected.

After some jet lagging, Saroja and Radakrishnan decided to take a trip around the neighborhood. Since they just moved in, they were yet to get their internet hooked up, so they were trying to see if there were any free wireless connections available. To Saroja’s surprise, she could see 10 available connections, and they read Ramu, Nandhini, Thirugyanam, Parthasarathi, Sivaji-TheBoss, Thala and so on. This was her first shock in the new country. She was expecting more on the lines of Lisa, Tommy, Timberlake etc., She enquired Rada, and he hinted that there was little Indian crowd in this apartment complex. She did not get the intensity of the statement then, but she was about to.


Before going around the place, Rada wanted to draw some money and they go into the Bank of America. Inside Saroja sees a bunch of Asian and Indian tellers, and a lady greeted them, and her name tag read ‘Prameela’. Saroja know how to greet from her BPO experience and she went ‘how is it going?’ Prameela replied, ‘namaste ji, mey apko kya madad kar sakta hoon?’ This was her second shock of her day. She kept talked in Hindi for about 10 mins, and then realized that Saroja and Rada don’t know a bit of Hindi. Then they continued with English and completed their transaction. This trend continued even in Target super center, where ‘Kalyani’ checked all her groceries out. They asked Kalyani about the restaurants nearby and she gave them a sheet containing all the restaurants. The sheet read Anjappar unavagam, Saravana Bhavan, Dosa place, Sri Krishna Bhavan, Udupi palace, Murugan Idly kadai, Komala vilas, Burrito place (err…she read it wrong) Barotta place and the list went on. They finally ended up in Barotta place and had a kothu borotta and iddiyappam paya. While they were having their food, along came a call from Anita (the New York girl…remember?). This was pretty much the hardest part of Saroja’s day thus far. She knew that she had do explain all the desi stuff here, as compared to Anita’s downtown experience. She quickly ended her conversation saying that she was a little busy at this time. Saroja’s experience so far was not even close to what she had expected or what she had read while she was in India. In fact, she had already met more Indian people here than she would have in Bangalore, in any given hour. Saroja, for a moment thought that Rada lied to her by calling this place America. She did not talk to him for the next 2 days, and their neighbor ‘Savithri’ had to come over to patch up things between the couple. She called up Anita, who has now lived in New York for about 6 months now. Anita, this time was all upset and was worried about her safety in the city, as there was a break-in in her neighbor’s condo. She complained how difficult it was to lead a life here without any Indian friends nearby. There was not a soul in her condo to share her Indian life style. One Saroja hung up the phone, she slowly realized that it was not that bad to live among our own people in a country far away.

While she was realizing these facts, a truck pulled up in front of their apartments. This was the movers that they have arranged for all Rada’s goods. A Sardar was driving the truck and she got out the truck with a receipt in his hand, which was made out for Saroja. He yelled, ‘Saroja…..Saman Nikaloo’. She was in all smiles and happily unloaded all her stuff inside!

PORTLAND TO PALLAVARAM AND BACK

PORTLAND TO PALLAVARAM AND BACK

15 Boxes of Ferrero Roches, 2 Coby DVD players, 1 sony handycam and a digital camera, 3 ipod shuffles for 100 bucks on ebay, a foot massager, a blood pressure meter, Bose speakers and some Fossil watches……. Yes Pattabi was getting ready for a trip to Pallavaram.

Pattabi makes it a point to visit Chennai once a year, with his accumulated vacation balance, for three weeks. This time was special, as his brother Kittu was getting married. So it was 4 instead of the regular 3 weeks. It was also special, as he was carrying a 6 pack, this time on his abs. He started working out real hard this year, as there was a serious chance for him to get engaged during his brother’s wedding.

After a grueling flight from Portland to Pallavaram, Pattabi was greeted by his family and friends at the airport. There was definitely some signs of shock on his ‘Small’ size t-shirt, though he was very much a ‘medium’. He just had to show his arms and tight body, and that was the idea. It kinda went the other way, as it looked more like a blouse than a t-shirt. The Cab travel from Meenambakam to Pallavaram was always a thing to worry for Pattabi, obviously the traffic scared him to death.

Ah, finally home, he was a relaxed man. Happy to see his family and stuff. The next day was the suitcase opening day. This was always the hard day for Pattabi’s father, Rangabashyam, as he would hate his son spend money on stuff that he considers unnecessary. In the mean time Kittu was all exited to see what his brother had got for him for his marriage. Rangabashyam found it hard to accept new technology and products. The traditional ones seem to satisfy him more. When Pattabi gave him the Ipod, he said the old cassette walk man was better. When his son gave him the wrist pressure meter, he said the old one with mercury rising, gave him a more precise reading. He also liked his BSNL phone as compared to the cordless phone. Pattabi spent hours finding that stuff, but what he gets, ‘you could have got me something better’ comment. He was pissed and amazed at the same time. The next day went on distributing the candies to his relatives. Perripas gets two ferrero roceshes with one pack of Hershey’s and mamas gets M&Ms and Kit Kats….it was all decided by his parents.

Vaitheswaran kovil, Thirumanjeri, Yettu kuddi, Rameshwaram constituted his next 3 days. Pokkiri, Aalwar, Veerasami(!!), Guru took his next 2 days. He and his brother pretty much made friends in every shop in T nagar, given the number of times they visited each one of them for the wedding shopping. Most of the shop owners gave them the VIP passes, seeing the considerable amount of Pattabi’s Dollar earnings being spent on Indian cotton.

Even though Pattabi was very conscious about his health in India, he made sure that he did not make it public. He did not say Chennai was hot, he did not prefer mineral water over metro water, he did not demand cab over the metro buses, he did not prefer Life Style over Saravana Stores, his choice was Thiruvanmiyur Jayanthi and not the multiplexes, and definitely wanted to watch Veerasaami over V for Vendetta. Every one was pretty surprised on this behavior of Pattabi, who has spent more than 5 years in the states. The explanation from Pattabi’s side was simple. He really hated people who really had to do the exactly opposite stuff said above, when he was younger. And a strong advice from Rangabashyam, right from the age of 15 on being humble and more Society friendly helped him to make a choice. All his friends and relatives liked him over the other NRI s that they know. They would really appreciate his behavior when they got a chance. There were these other groups of people, who wanted him to act more NRI ish, and even went to the level of doubting if he really was one! Well nothing bothered Pattabi, he was who he was, and nothing could change him.

It was the week of marriage, and Pattabi took up a chunk of responsibilities and was happy working for his brothers wedding. It was big family re-union, after all, that is what marriages were all about. There were definitely some mama’s and mami’s, enquiring about the marital status of Pattabi, and started the initiatives. Even though Pattabi was a little proud inside, he kind of acted reluctant about these talks and stayed away from it.

Things went on well, and his brother is back in Pune for his project management activities in TCS. He even dragged his wife into the company. Rangabashyam and his wife Lalitha, now stay alone in their Tambaram house, chatting with their two sons over the internet. They constantly pressure Pattabi to come back to India, so that they can stay with him, as Pune was not their kind of place. For Rangabashyam, the change from Pallavaram to Pune was as hard as the change from Cassette walkman to Ipod, he just cannot do that.

For Pattabi, after the fist 2 weeks of home sickness, it was back to the normal life here in Portland. He is now seriously considering a job switchover which would make his transition from Portland to Pallavaram, easier!!!

Miss Atlantic Slutty

Sam, Pat, Kyle, Randy and

Miss Atlantic Slutty

Ranganathan was turning 25, and he and his friends decided to spend the night at the Atlantic City. So Randy, as he likes to call himself, and his friends pat (pattabiraman), sam (saminathan) and kyle (kylasaraman) started their road trip from upstate
new York down to the city of lights.

“I have been eying on the 52 inch HDTV for a long time now, and tonight I will win the money for it” started the optimistic pat, about his plans on the money that he was about to win. Each one had their prospective plans. Kyle wanted the 30 Gig video ipod and Sam wanted the full season on South park, and the frugal Randy wanted to save a bunch of money on his NRI account. Well, that killed about an hour on their drive, which had a couple left.

In no time The Taj Mahal, Caesars, Bally’s and Trump Plaza were smiling at them, with the spectacular lightning all around. It was really early for the guys to realize that it was a cruel trap. They decided to go to the Caesars, cause for some reason they think Taj Mahal always takes money and never gives a thing!!

Why are all the casinos filled with Chinese or the H1B Indians or the 86 + white females? Is there any special reason why these three breeds are attracted towards that place more than anybody else? Nyways…….As soon as they entered, every one picked the game they are good at( I never understood why someone had to be GOOD at anything that you GAMBLE at). It was poker for Pat, roulette was for Kyle, Blackjack for Sam and the Texas Tornado for Randy (for people who didn’t know, Texas Tornado is a popular 5 Cent slot game at Caesars)

Thirty minutes later, they met near the Sic Bo table….and this is how the conversation went
Randy : 75
Sam : 100
Pat : 85
Kyle : 140

They were exchanging the amount they lost in half hour. There are some moments were you are extremely pissed at yourself for loosing, that you start blaming the Casino for having some conspiracy to get all your money. You just want to grab the dealer by his shirt and slap him real hard, probably spit on his face……well….its just anger mixed with frustration, that made them think that way.

But the free Heineken came to their rescue, and it was served by Miss Atlantic Slutty. See, this is how they get you….they will get u high with the booze and the ladies. Kyle thought he should at least drink up for all the money that he lost so far……he was on his 4th rum and coke already.

All four of them went on to hit the Crabs table. For some reason, this is the only game that no Desi ever dares to play, for the obvious reason that this is hard to get!!!
These dudes did not want to be the stereotypical brown asses. So they wanted to try their luck on the Crabs. They just kept rolling and rolling, and had no idea whether there were winning or loosing…….there went the seven and they were informed that they lost. They had to walk away from the table helplessly.

Four of them were now tired and penniless. They had spent the last 5 hours and 550 dollars on trying to make their life better. While walking out of the gambling place, they felt that the hard earned (?!) money is something that is not worth gambling on…….no wait……..they see a sign near the Trump plaza….and it read “Awarded the luckiest casino for four straight ears—Bellagio, NV”. It was a perfect mouse trap for four people at distress.

All four of them had one thing to say
“Dude… Let’s hit Las Vegas next weekend and win all our money that we lost in this unlucky place”
Some people will never learn…..will they?

LENINBABU M PAKKIRISAMI

LENINBABU M PAKKIRISAMI

It was a rainy day at the BWI airport, where Lenin's plane landed, surprisingly ontime from
London. Lenin was finally happy to be here after those slogging hours at Madras, accepting every
piece of shitty work that his onsite manager gives him. He was given a tearful sendoff by his
parents and a "vaitherichal" one from his colleagues, who were still struck with the offshore
assignments.

Lenin hails from lower middle class family, with his father working in the slum control division
and his mother managing the house. They could barely meet the family needs until he was out of
college, and it was breather when Lenin found himself a position with TCS, Madras. The solid 35k
per month, made their living a little better, and now they call themselves a middle middle class. They had now moved out of 'Kasimedu' and found their new home, in a relatively decent
'Kottivakkam'. Out of all three, this move particularly made Lenin's mom happy, as he would now stay away from his so called "friends". Doesn't make sense, does it?
His friends were 'Bottle subbu', 'Kuilthoppu kumar', 'villivakkam Gaja', 'weightu vijay' and 'Acid
anthony'.
I hear you saying...AAhhhh....Now it makes a lot of sense.

Lenin moving from Madras to Maryland was the next step in his career, when the 'Onsite Athirshtam'
struck him. He was already calculating and predicting the Income to savings on his flight.
According to Lenin's overdone savings plan, he should practically be a millionaire in a year. Well, unless he starves to death or stays on the sidewalk, that was not going to happen.
He was greeted by his future roommate, Mayilvahanam, outside the airport, and was taken to the
apartment in his 96 Toyota Corolla, with the CD singing "Theepidkka Theepidikka Mutham
Koduda....". Lenin was all smiles seeing spectacular (?!! in Baltimore?) roads and lush greens on
either side of the highway, with the fall colors clearly visible in the month of November. The
happiness continued, when he found his new apartment to be a 20 floor building, located right at
the heart of the city. The smiles got a speed bump, when he realized that the rent for that
apartment was 1450 per month, and heat and gas extra. This suddenly reduced his planned saving by 20,000 dollars(over the long time).

"enna kannu..poi senthutiya ma..Kuliru eppadi irruku....anga yaru kooda thangiirruka....soru
kadaikutha illa bread thaana? odambu paathuko pa..eppo pa inga vara mudiyum?" the usual telephonic conversation with his mother, kannathaal, continued again and again for the first week. She had nothing to ask but to make sure he got food...good food and good health. The usual Mothery stuff. His father, Pakkirisami, usually kept things short by saying "nalla irrupa...intha...amma kitta pesu". There are two kinds of parents. The first kind does not make his son being in US a big deal, as a plethora of their family branches live over there, and there is the other one, for whom their son would be the first in 5 generations. Pakkirisami's family was the second kind.


Lenin was slowly getting used to his new place and friends. He now manages his own team in the
offshore, and 'assigns' them work. He definitely had a very thick Indian accent and had to come
across several embarrassment and sarcastic smiles. It was a Saturday, and Lenin does not eat
meat on that day. He got the advice from one of his friends on how order this in their cafe.
This is how the final order ended up
"Can I get a Hamburger with NO Ham in it?" that's it Lebron (the big brother who is incharge of
the grill) laughed it out so loud, that the entire cafe joined the fun. Pretty awkward moment for
Lenin...but had to smile it off, and had to explain it to him again.

Five years have passed by. Now Lenin moved out separately, owns an 2007 Aura TL, has
girlfriend(s) (Latanya and Latisha from Bethesda, Maryland), smokes Marlboro ultra lights, owns a
three bedroom flat in Adyar, uses money transfer quite frequently and overall enjoys staying in
this country.

Everything has changed in LeninBabu M Pakkirisami's life, except ONE. When he rings up India, he still hears......"enna kannu..Kuliru eppadi irruku....anga yaru kooda thangiirruka....soru
saaptiya.. illa bread thaana? odambu paathuko pa....saliku kashayam vachi kudi pa....Epo pa inga
vara?" the voice of his innocent mother Kannathal.

Nars-ayathartham

Nars-ayatharthamLife of Narasiman after Nichayathartham



Narsi was a perfect bachelor roommate anybody could ask for. He was smart, funny, talkative, drunkard and chick crazy. We always loved his company and was fun being around him. Our Fridays began at 6 in the evening and lasted until next day 7. He was the one who taught us how to get a chick at the dance floor(Be patient, look out for the drunk ugly chick, go dance with her whole night...Was his theory and it worked pretty well, every darn time).
Lets just stop right here about how cool Narsi was, cause that is not the point I am trying to make.

Narsi was 26, the youngest in his family and had no freaking commitments whatsoever. His brother was happily married and Narsi's parents started targeting their second lad for the holy matrimony.

So the 'Filtering' process began. By the way did I mention that he was working in California as a software ....(lets just say he was working)

There were two girls whom Narsi rejected, cause they were over qualified for him....And there were 45 other girls who rejected Narsi, cause for some reason they thought that the would not be the exact orthodox brahmin guy they were looking for(They could guess that some how).
He finally ends up on a doctor lady, who specializes on gums ( geez dude, its called a 'Dentist'). Things would not be the same anymore........
All of a sudden, he finds himself engaged. He is confused, happy, sad...Everything at the same time. He regrets his decision on getting married one day and enjoys it the other. He gets a laptop computer for the lady, installs skip, gets a new razr phone, charges his reliance card for 200 dollars...and makes sure that at any point, he has a source of communication with his would be better half.

And on the other side of the world, there is a girl sitting filled with all those dreams to coming to America, about her new life, about her higher studies here and what not. The first week conversation was perfect. They both felt that this was the best person that they can ever get in their life. Narsi has already changed his laptop wallpaper, cell phone wallpaper, screen saver to the Girl's picture. Things were different for his room mate and he felt Narsi was behaving wierd nowadays.

Narsi started talking for 8 hours straight, and the conversation would go something like this....."hmm....tell me....ya...I am eating....ah?...ya...sambar and rice....no...okra.....I am washing my plate now....w%395##9544(he was talking even while drinking water)....walking down the steps....hello.......hello.........hello........"The phone disconnects. Rings back."Ya....finished walking down the steps.......I don't remember how many steps I walked......no I did not count them.....ya.....what did you have for breakfast......."
and the freaking conversation continues every darn day.

His room mate openly asked this question. "Narsi, why do you have to explain every shitty thing that you do to the girl?? Don't you have any thing better to talk about?"
Narsi got pissed and replied.."You will not understand the feeling. you have to be in love". Dude, what the hell are you talking about? How can you love a female that you have not even met a single freaking time? But there was no point in continuing that conversation with Narsi, as it was so obvious that he had gone nuts after Nichayathartham.

There was no fun anymore in the house. Narsi, seldom comes out of his room and even if he does, he is on the phone with the future bride. He stopped hanging out on Friday nights and continued donating money to the Reliance brothers.
Narsi now plans to buy a house in a remote village in California, and would start mingling with the family people. He would also never introduce his wife to his friends as they have openly critiqued his selection.

We all know that life would never be the same again, and the Adventures of single Narsi would be missed.

Nayanthara Falls

Nayanthara Falls

"Cheppandi.cheppandi..cheppandi", "Pampisthanu", "ikkada ra", "betha falllsuu"...These were probably the most heard words at the NIAGARA at the present time. If you are there during a long weekend, then these would be the ONLY words that you will hear. There are occasional "machis and mamus" here and there, but by and large our telugu friendsuuu. Its probably the hugeness of the falls that's attracting us, and in turn generating huge revenue for the state. In other words "Pettha Fallsuu...Pethha laabam"
30 year old parents bringing their 2 year olds and their 65 year olds, and trying to manage both at the same time. Two years from now we may probably see people carrying tamarind and lemon rice in a huge stainless steel containers and having it in the background of the falls. Niagara is this close to becoming west side "Kutralam". The same venkata ramana and ravi are here too, but wearing jean and t shirt.
The parking lot was filled with Fords and GMCs rather than the usual Toyotas and Hondas, explaining the fact that most of us rent and not drive their own car, thus playing safe. The frustration could be seen on the faces of those 25+ year old single guys, looking at the newly wed couples easily out numbering the former. They vented out their frustration by passing comments on the new brides.
The few Americans that were present there were like "wat the hell is goinon?" but we, as usual, did not give a shit about what they think.
The state of New York is taking tremendous measures to increase the desi visitors, since its a matter of huge revenue.
The state has passed a bill for renaming the falls to please the south Indian crowd. From now on Niagara Falls would be officially called as Nayanthara Falls.

Orkut Ananthanarayanan

Orkut Ananthanarayanan

It was another day for Ananthu, his alarm waking every one in his building up- except him, his 2 minute shower, cereal bar on the go, vetti browsing at work, pretending to work when his manager passes by, flirting with his next cube hottie, asking too many questions during the team meetings, collecting $2 from his team members to play mega million, trying to ask all his technical questions to google, listening to his ipod on his way home…..nothing changed in his boring routine, until that evening, when his friend introduced him to Orkut community.

Ananthu started exploring the community slowly. Initially he was dumb-enough to scrap in his own scrap book, thinking that he was replying to his friend, and things like that-but slowly he learnt. Within a week, he was in a community-adding spree. There were all sort of community displayed on his profile—Adayar school, Madras college, Chicago college, captain vijayakanth, Rajni fans, Iyer, Iyengar, Vadagalai, Thenkalai, Echa Kalai (he joined this group accidentally), simran, nayanthara, Jennifer garner, Jlo, Beyonce, Indian Lesbians (this was no damn accident, he is just sick), SnoopDog, American singles, Python, Java, Southpark, opensource, Lok Pavithran, artificial intelligence, kalki, john Gresham, starbucks, manirathnam, peterjackson……..u name it and you will find it in his communities.

His friends were also increasing as fast as his community affiliations. He was 100% trusty and totally cool according to his so-called friends, whom he never met before. He had lotsa testimonials, most of them written by himself be signing on with a different id. He now knows to get all the information about a person by just looking at their community affiliations.

Ananthu still wakes up late, takes 2 min shower, rushes to his office, pretends when his manager walks by, but now he spends some quality time with Orkut at his work place.

Udaintha Pinnadi -- The Origional Tamil BROKE BACK

And the Oscar Goes To ..........Udaintha Pinnadi -- The Origional Tamil BROKE BACK



In 1963, with work scarce in Thenkasi pattanam, two jobbing farmhands, Kandasami (Sarath) and Munnusami (Neppolian), are hired to tend sheep on a remote mountain. Over the next few months a bond develops between the two cow-pokes that develops into a sexual relationship. When the job ends, the attraction remains and although they meet and marry two women, the men convene a couple of times a year to revisit their experiences on Brokeback. Even though they shifted cities and live with a fake identity (They now call themselves Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist) , their love remains unchanged.
Before-In a remote Tamil Village












After-In a remote american village